Feeling Good

So… My latest trip to home was very very required! I’m glad I did it. I have some interesting revelations

1) I love Bombay… Its true… at the end of the day.. thats where home is, thats where mom and dad are, thats where I know the roads, that’s where I have memories and that is where the heart will be. This by no means implies that I want to live all my life in Bombay… I’m just saying I don’t hate the city the way I did 5 months ago.

2) Weeding out bad memories always helps… Now I have only good memories of Bombay…  The people and events that led to the not so nice ones are conveniently MIA

3) Raghu Dixit live is Fucking Awesome

4) My appetite in Bbay isn’t half of what it is here…its true… Pollution and lack of physical activity… but that proves one thing – Supply and Demand never meet

5) I create a mess for myself in my head for no real reason

6) My umbilical cord with my parents is still not broken… I hate being away from them despite how much they may get on my nerves while I’m there. While I’m in bombay… every minute outside the house has to be measured because its time away from mom dad!

7) I’m more tolerant of all the things I disliked in bombay… I actually find it easier to be pluralistic now than before

I have a new plan

9) I am confused as ever

10) I should stop thinking and start some doing….

11) Happiness is internal…

 

Okay thats it.

Its one of those days when the world feels wrong for no real reason… and I just want to argue till a point where it’s so personal and so close to defining who I am that it ends in me crying.These happen every too often and are probably hormonal.

As an introduction.. maybe I know too little to be angry.. about anything in the world… and then I know I know more than a lot of people in who are angrier or not angry at all and hence I should be angry. Maybe I’ve made my peace with the right vs left debate in my head and I think at this stage I’m neither a raring entrepreneur in my head who will wear the swanky suit and market things and crunch numbers and feel cool living the extremely posh lifestyle nor am i the strong leftist that would want to go back to a more primitive way of being. I think development is 2 things – one a process of historical change*(this history bit will be spoken about later) and 2 a process where in human kind becomes a better self. This is true for individuals as much as it is for society.

So they were talking about free loading earlier today and how everyone thats not in primary production is really a free loader. That got me thinking… historically was that so?

I’m thinking of a clan of homo sapiens sapiens just after private property and agriculture sunk in. Lets some how assume that when they came to this land and decided to set boundaries at least the 1^st group amongst them was able to equally distribute the land. So all of them had equal land that was equally good.

Now there were disputes.. there would always be disputes right? I mean some one fell in love with some one else’s mate person or something…I’m sure there were disputes in those days also. So how did they solve them… maybe one chick mated with more than 1 guy and they were unsure of the of spring and now that private property was decided there was an issue about that…

So they needed someone to settle the dispute… who would be that person… so they decide one person – lets say person x is decided because by common consensus they all think he’s a better decision maker than the rest… let’s think this human nature for a little while. Now lets say this person had too many disputes on hand so he had no time to go farm… and so he raised a problem to the rest of them saying – “Well hey – I’m sorry I need food” and because he was such an integral part of the peace maintainance in the community they all decided that they would produce surplus for him and pay him a tax so that he would solve disputes all day. Maybe that would be the most initial form of a democratically elected government.

Of course this is only an ideal. Because I’m sure there were other things that determined who got the power to be the guy who’s the leader of the clan… maybe because he got to the land 1^st and got the best land…. or maybe he actually did manage to get more land than the rest and somehow the rest couldnt eventually increase their land… or maybe he was just physically stronger and used force to get power where in which case he got his power out of fear. But if all these assumptions are kept aside for a bit – just to assume that what I mentioned  above happened then is there a possibility to assume that every role that originated/ every job that originated was not a good use of already available surplus but a reason to create surplus because adopting a certain way of life required that surplus…

Like law for private property-  the institution of marriage – education (by this I mean imparting knowledge from generation to generation) – finding new knowledge (given that with every passing generation certain knowledge becomes redundant and certain new thing is discovered… like how to keep yourself warm before fire vs after fire was discovered) (maybe it didn’t become redundant immediately.. but I’m sure by the time they discovered the stove it would have been redundant or at least highly recreated or should I use to word – reformed!)

Can one really say that all these emerged only because man found surplus in the fields? because barter happened? because trade happened? Maybe I should get people to tell me what they think… Heres where you guys fit in… bounce back ideas… or just think… it’ll do your brain some good. True Story!

Rehna Tu… Hai Jaise Tu….

Its been a while since I updated anything and truth be told there isn’t much to update. I’ve been having my own daily epiphanies but I really don’t think I can document them into a sensible paragraph.

I’ve settled here really well. A bit too well I think because the idea of going back home is now a little painstaking… which is why I’m making a million excuses not to go back home for this weekend and the major ass VSS family gathering (read: booze fest). Actually that’s not true. I’m not making excuses… I’m just saying I don’t want to come!

This hasn’t really gone down well with the mother who claims to be concerned about my health and hygiene but is really being just really over protective for no real good reason. This is after I’ve put on 1 kg here! (Weight update: I lost 2 KGs when I got here in October after which, after some effort and things, I’ve put on 1 KG… net loss = 1 Kg)

Anyhow, that aside, work is starting to catch pace. At some levels I’m really enjoying what I’m doing, on other levels I will make do with it just because I love it here so much. The equations with the roomies is good too…although the Lez couple is starting to push me to nauseous conditions. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about… well… don’t bother.

Its been raining here past few days and that makes where I am look like lonavala or panchghani and makes me miss the family and the cards and the endless games of judgement with pakodas and the endless conversations with Coffee.. Its one of those days…

We’re going to make some version of the worlds-most-awesome-khichdi today.

Heres how that goes:

Ingredients:

Half a glass of rice for every person that’s going to eat

Chopped onions, tomatoes, potatoes (that can work in an and/or manner depending on what you have in your kitchen)

Chopped Garlic ( an essential ingredient. please put enough of it for good measure, it hides all other F ups)

Masala (Heres what you do – get your mom to make you an awesome “Masala Ka Dibba” When making khichdi open dibba and add as many arbit things that you feel like adding)

Jeera

Lots and Lots of Chilli

Dal if you have any available with you

Oil

Procedure:

Its really simple. Heat oil in a vessel, add all the masala and all that you’ve chopped and fry for a while, then add the rice and fry that for a bit too… add water – double the qty of rice + a few glassed depending on what other things you’ve added. Stir. Cover the vessel. Wait with baited breath for the worlds most awesome khichdi.

Cooking time : about Half and Hour

Tastes best with Sour Dahi. Also is most fun to eat when you are racing with room mates to finish the most-first!

So that’s that from the Chef’s Kitchen today!

More later

 

Voila!

Today is one of those days that needs to go down in the history of my internship and largely as an incident worth remembering in larger life situations.

So here’s what happened.

Somehow (its another long story how and why and such, which I’m done venting about so we shall not get into) I landed myself with the honorable task of taking 18 secondary school kids to Mogri ( a town by a river both with the same name) and back because they insisted on going “Ghumne”!

Now we left in the moonlight of 11:30 AM and got back by 5:00 pm. On the way I got talking to some of the kids and had some interesting revelations about my place of work, its perception and history which are truly valuable. I also sat by the river under a tree and facilitated my first so called  “class”. So that stuff was quite fun. The other fun thing was the lift we got in the open rickshaw-truck-type thing carrying cowdung and hay… for about 2 KMs!

Since I am still alive and am done being annoyed about how I got conned into going in the first place… I am now being extremely excited and proud about the fact that I reached home and managed to clean the dishes and make myself some awesome risotto. Today I felt like I deserved any luxury of comfort food/comfort activities that I cared to provide myself with and for once could not be less bothered about what people here would have to say or think… because its kind of like their un-asked-for redemption. So I am now going to watch Californication, talk to the peeps on gtalk and leave you guys with the recipe to anytime anywhere risotto.

Risotto a La Me in a village in remote Madhya Pradesh, India.

Apparatus:

1 Pressure cooker

1 Laddle

1 Thingie you use to make buttermilk with … the long stick with the spikes at the end.

Ingredients:

Half cupful of Thick Rice (available abundantly anywhere in Italy/North, Central India)

1 Onion

A few cloves of garlic

2 Tomatoes

3 Spoonfuls of Ghee

Some Oregano and Chilli Flakes to taste

1 Cheese cube.

Procedure:

Put the ghee in the pressure cooker, saute’ finely chopped onions and garlic along with oregano and chilli flakes, add to that the finely chopped tomatoes and saute’ those for a bit also. Then add some water and bring to boil. Get the butter milk maker thingie and puree the mixer you have in front of you in the cooker. Add pepper and salt to taste and then add the rice. Put the pressure cooker lid on and go do other things for a while.

3 Whistles down, shut the gas (which you should have started before you started any other procedure!) and let the steam out. Remove all the rice in a plate, grate the cheese cube and mix well.

Tastes Best when starved and having walked 16Kms!

Fifteen days into my internship (almost) I have to confess that I’ve had things at a level higher than the average comfort. The last weekend went in mom dad’s visit to Adharshila as a surprise for my birthday and this weekend I’m in Bombay, in the comfort of my bedroom and bathroom and thin rotis, in the comfort of being with mom dad and all loved ones on Diwali. I don’t think I could have asked for a more smooth first fortnight of my internship.

Of course despite this, and despite the fact that in hindsight all of this happened over the past 15 days, each week felt like an eternity and to break in and out of routines is going to be difficult. Also finding my own place there and also fitting into my groove and coming to terms with the massive shocks has taken and will take its time. But what really helps is knowing that there are other people sinking in the same boat… and that we’ll all come out of it together.

Here is a glimpse of my life at Adharshila and the interesting changes that I have made to my life.

This is the road that leads me to Adharshila. The small crowd of trees that you see at the far end is the Adharshila Campus… The road is almost always open and makes for a great evening walk route.

This is the Computer room. It gets its name from the sole laptop that lies on the table here and the fact that there is a battery here from which one can charge their laptops to prevent the dangers of voltage fluctuations of all the other plug points in the campus on the laptops. It is also where I take most of my classes or other work related discussions.

Here is the infamous open bathroom that I have my baths in. It is relatively safe from human eye so long as you ensure you bathe when no one is around or don’t care enough. One must beware of the uninformed animal once in a while like the dog that walked into and out of the bathroom whilst I was having a bath and had soap all over my body. I have to say that that was one of the most interesting moments of my 15 days!

This is the kitchen of my new room. Here we have cooked kichdi and bateta nu shaak (potatoes) and I have cooked maggi… once. The second highlight of my 15 days!

So basically my day at Adharshila starts at 5:30-6:00 Am. Its a different story that it takes a lot of effort to actually convince myself to get out of bed at that hour but for all other practical purposes I am awake.

Then I wake up and do sundry waking up activities like use the loo/brush/eat/drink milk etc and prepare for my Economics class with the 10 graders. This is the highlight of my day… everyday. That gets done by 10ish and then I’m doing some or the other work till about 4:30 after which time I study a bit and sit with the room mates and chit chat. Then there is shramdaan that involves some amount of farming. This is fun and we sing random songs while doing this with the other girls. After this we go for a walk into the sunset and come home, make and eat dinner and lounge around till the eyes close the shutters and one is forced to call it a day. This happens around 9:30 pm!!!

I will write more about the day to day fun things that happen later… but this is for all you guys that wanted pictures!!

This last one is one of the 15 gorgeous sunsets I’ve seen in my 15 days there…

Beautiful Rising

Anticipation didn’t leave much room for sleep on my bus ride to Sendhwa from Bombay. The bus was comfortable and thanks to N, I had some really nice music to keep me company through out. (Jalebee Cartel – Highly Recommend)

Anyways, despite all speculations, Sendhwa came at 5:30. I got off at the chai walla while it was still raining and luckily found an auto that offered to drop me to Adharshila for a very reasonable rate. So we had our first cup of tea for the day in the rain while it was still dark and left the bus stand-chai walla when the sky started turning a lighter shade of blue.

The whole journey (10 Kms from NH to Sakad) a drizzle followed us. The atmosphere was this light shade of cold that was depicted so well by the blue tinge that everything seemed to have. If it wasn’t real, I’d say it was an exaggerated camera effect. The whole road was  small cute and well maintained with endless grass and trees on either side and fields. The campus is slightly uphill in this heavy patch of trees. Here I met Amitji and my room mates. 4 Locals and 2 Indians of American Origin who are here for a similar internship except they will be staying a year!

Stuff that surprised me

1) They have lesser luggage than I do, and they’re staying for longer

2) They speak only hindi and their hindi is rather good

3) They’ve adapted far far better than I expect myself to!

4) We have an open bathroom… seriously.. the closest there is to walls are these 2 planks of thatched cane put at an angle.

5) They eat rice only once a week!

I’m still super jealous of N because of where he gets to go, although we spoke and realized a lot is similar. Also I found out that HKS works very closely with Adharshila. That should be interesting…

I don’t know much about Adharshila yet and my opinions are very half baked … or rather just freshly put into the oven to endure the heat… so I’ll wait for a while before I decide that.

So, This is Goodbye…

Goodbyes are strange things. They come in different shapes, sizes, colours, et al.

I’ve been saying my set… and whats funny is, when I wasn’t going away anywhere… I always thought that I would make my goodbyes totally emo and say a lot of senti things, remember all the good times and cry buckets… I always thought I would say thoughtful parting words and receive thoughtful parting words in return.

Now that it is time to say good bye however small or big… I see how none of these things are happening quite the way they did in my head. For 1 I’m avoiding all emo possible. For another, my brain can’t seem to think of the apt words to say. I am not able to cry buckets and this is not because I’m stopping the tears from rolling or the eyes from welling up. All around, I feel this warm fuzzy feeling like its not goodbye at all.

When I said goodbye to AIESEC earlier this year… I did all those things, because I knew that the goodbye meant something. Not only did it mean goodbye from the organization et al, but also a goodbye to most of the people, that lifestyle and that part of me that I wouldn’t go back to that often if ever…But this time, its different… I know the people are constant, I know the lifestyle is mine to have when I want it, I know that the version of me is constant even if ever changing…

This makes saying goodbyes a little pointless… its more like “So long mate, see you later”. So to all those people with whom I have been unable to weep or say perfect things… please understand thats only because I don’t intend on saying bye at all.

Then there are those others…with whom it wasn’t even necessary to say goodbye because they walked out of your life before you could reach that stage with them. Its only when they’re far gone do you realize goodbyes were in order and then you curse and say yeah whatever, too bad… and move on with your days work.

Either way… I’m here… And tomorrow I won’t be. I don’t know how it feels because I don’t think I’m feeling anything right now. There’s definitely anticipation and excitement… but not much else beyond that.

Of course this place will see more updates I hope.. and such other things.

With that I’ll sign off from Bombay from the last time in a while.

The Gaun at last…

Only Today, I was thinking about paying this blog a visit, without having anything substantial to say! I’ve been reading Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut and boy does he write well! Highly recommend him to anyone who wants a refreshing take on life…

One of his witty anecdotes in the book that I liked most was “Lets be perfectly frank, for most people the end of the world can’t come soon enough”. This was to explain his theory of how most people in reality hate living. Another one on that was “World War 2: society’s second unsuccessful attempt at suicide”. Hilarious!

Anyways, the bout of malaria has left me all weak and under house arrest since the past 6 days. I went to graduation ceremony, gave speech and all that and came home realizing the 2 important lessons I have learned in the past 2 years. In 2008 I realized the importance of rituals to grieve and to get closure and in 2009 I realized the unimportance of these rituals to do the exact same thing. Both were important lessons to have learned, so balance at last!

The bout of malaria also prohibited me from going drinking with the batch of 2009! and watch VJ get shit faced as I heard he did. And I feel it is going to sabotage more such drinking plans and then I will be too far away in a village to be able to consume nice alcohol. And I am now beyond even whiskey/vodka and coke and will settle for nothing less than a good cocktail or wine. Spoilt as you may like to call me, I don’t care about drinking that much, so when I am doing it, I’d like it to be done right.

So the village is Sendhwa, Badwani District, Madhya Pradesh, India. The organization is Adharshila Learning Center. The Website and Blog can be found by clicking on those 2 words. I am now reading more to find out more about the place and people and all that so more on that later. But for one its a peoples movement and not an organization, hence it has no rigid structures etc. Its run by this couple Jayshree and Amit. Of course Mridu and Ankit have raised my expectations of such couples that live in remote places. Of course most of you don’t even know who these people are so it really is inconsequential. Now I’m all excited to go. I’m actually just waiting for morning to happen so I can start speaking to people and finding out more about the whathowwhenwhowhere questions that I have.

That Bastard N got HKS, which was both our first choice, so well…  I hope he rots in hell… no not really… but I do hope the mosquitoes that bit me and gave me Malaria do rot in hell.

Okay thats about all. More soon.

Talk

Theres something about conversations that is powerful. It helps you put to words, solidify and reinforce things you believe… alternatively, it opens up for you an avenue of ideas that was earlier unknown to you. And between this spectrum it forces upon you the thought of the thing being spoken about, which is usually beneficial as it broadens your horizon in a particular direction.

The best thing about conversations is, especially the real ones and not so much the forced ones… is that they’re unique to the people having them. The understanding of each word and the response to each word affected by the individuals understanding of that word which is a repercussion of their background means that no two people can have the same conversation with any two other people. That is how people become special. That is how one realized that this person holds a special place in my life, because without this person, the opportunity of having this conversation, of looking beyond yourself, of being understood beyond yourself in this area would not be available. Of course the opportunity varies from being more or less attractive to have available but regardless its having that opportunity available that makes someone special.

I don’t really have a point to this except to feel thankful to everyone that’s ever engaged in conversation with me… and maybe hope several more of these come…

Of course this is one good explanation to why I find facebook extremely unappealing… or small talk, or even for that matter the forced conversation about everything under the sun that is believed to be good to have had with someone so as to increase your “Network”.

This is why mails, blogs, phone conversations et al are highly appealing to me. They give you the space to truly verbalize what you think and give the option to another person to respond with their quantity of verbal-ness in their own space and their own time.

With that I must end random rant…. But I must say, that conversations are truly the best healers.

A Great Day For Freedom

Today feels like one of those days when you sit in a really fast roller coaster ride and the steel things fasten you in your place and the little trolley you’re sitting in jerks to a start. There is this feeling in your stomach at that point.

That’s the feeling in my stomach right now.

Its the feeling that from this point on, at least for a little while, life will not be the same. You will zoom-stop-turn upside down-fall steeply down and then finally slowly the trolley comes to halt. And after that also, for a while all you do this stand and try to recover from the ride. You know that feeling, don’t you?

Yep, thats how I feel life will be for a while. I leave for Delhi today and find out more about the internship, opportunities available et al. The day I return is when my results are expected. The day after that C is back from jodhpur and by the way he’s been recently I know he’s going to drop some big bombshell of confessions on me… He’s the kind that will feed the goat with all the nicest things before taking it to the slaughter house… and then in one clean swoop… … …

And thats it, once I’m back the meter is on on the days I spend in Bombay, the meeting of people/shopping/bucket lists of things to do and eat in civilization etc.

In the middle of this is graduation ceremony… for which I’m meant to give a speech and I haven’t so much as started thinking about the speech. Once I’m back on the 27th I have about 13 days for preparing the speech and giving it in front of a really really small audience, and if rumors are to be believed then in front of Lord Meghnand Desai (who i’ve heard from GM is really boring… ) Here I’ve introduced GM who also deserves another post to be introduced.

I also managed to read 2 books in the past 10 days over my trip to bangalore-ooty-kodai. Babyji by Abha Dawesar which I thought would be an interesting read but ended up in a slightly abrupt and almost disappointing erotica piece and Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahnuik, a brilliant book without doubt! Thats what I love about Chuck Palahnuik… he’s psyched and he translates his psyched understanding of the world and how we work in our heads and blows it completely out of proportions and writes it in this book which has the most unique style of writing…

On the shelf now is Milan Kundera (because its amazing how many times I’ve come across Unbearable Lightness of Being in the past few days… partly because of L [who I will call L and not P2 because she pmsed on me when I told her about it]). But No, I’m reading identity by Kundera and not ULB since ULB is just too hyped in my mind right now. I also bought me a Vonnegut called Timequake. Sounds interesting. And also the recent Palahnuik called Pgymy.

I hope to keep up the reading pace and all… Looking forward to be on my way now;

Packing is imperative before a journey.

And with those words of wisdom, I part with thee…